06:31 AM
Lately, I’ve been enjoying fine art videos. Art restoration, fine art process, art critique. They use terms I am deeply connected to. Up until I finished my Master of Fine Arts in 1996 (?), I was steeped in these terms and practices. Drawing, photography and writing were my habitats. My life changed a lot after that.
Until recently, I held a grudge against my past self. He let the connection to art slide. He started paying bills and buying useless things. He lost the focus and the willingness to do. He let me wake up one day to the realization that I was no longer an Artist.
Then I realized that I wasn’t taking responsibility. Past self didn’t let me down. I let myself down. Moreover, maybe I let myself acknowledge that I am not as serious an artist as I thought. I gave myself permission to stop putting time and money into things that were not necessary to my identity.
Now I am back to thinking that I am an artist. I am starting to forgive myself for all the money I wasted on materials that were never used. Looking forward to connecting to things that I buried. Relearning the language that I once spoke fluently. Reconnecting to that inner self that wants to speak through image and word.
