11:10 PM
I’ve started to gut the work space. There were so many supplies, tools, materials under it and above it. It’s no wonder that it became a magnet for non-craft stuff. If it wasn’t being used as intended, then it doesn’t matter what it gets used for. Stuff can just pile p on it.
This is what happens to the human mind. There is no formula or schedule for when the life’s calling is heard. For some it happens early and for others it comes late. It is never too early or too late. The worst thing that can happen is that the calling is ignored. Or worse it is drowned out by the noise of staying afloat or getting ahead.
Neither of these are wrong reasons for ignoring the call. Life can deliver unexpected changes: Children, loans, homes, love. Responsibilities. They become more important. The job that kept me in the essentials and art supplies becomes the career that provides for home, clothing, safety for the ones I love. The time given to craft and exploration becomes time getting ahead in the job or spending time with the people I love.
It’s when things quiet that the calling keeps me awake. I want to noodle around in a sketchbook or take and edit photos. I just lack the energy and the time. If I take that time, I’m afraid that I am being selfish. Even with Diane’s support, I worry that I am neglecting her. Because my favorite subjects are nudes and pinups, I feel like I am cheating on Diane. It’s ridiculous, I know, but I worry about these things.
